Still In "Down" Period

Still haven't recover from "Down" period although it have been more than half a year. Have no idea when and how it get started. Having negative thoughts most of the time. Feeling lost. All the things that supposed to be done were not done. Can't get myself motivated to do anything. How long I have to be in this state? How am I able to get myself out of this? How come I feel no more fun in this world? Feel like there's nothing that can make me interested and excited anymore. There's nothing remain other than the empty shell of a shape of human, a breathing empty shell. Sometimes, I really afraid to wake up from sleep. When I'm awake, all those negative thoughts come haunting me again.

Going to have my final exam for this semester on 19th and 20th May. But I'm still wavering around. I have no idea about what I have done all these time. Supposedly, I should be studying by now. But somehow I'm here writing nonsenses in my blog, which I had neglected for a long period. Really hope somehow I'm able to get myself motivated to study.

Eternal Pose By Asia Engineer

This song is very meaningful. Attached below are the translation of the song.

9th Jan 2009

Finally, final exams are over for me. For some of the students, probably their last paper will be on 11th Jan. Somehow, this time I didn’t feel excited about the 3 weeks holiday. For the previous holidays, I would always imagine what to do during the holiday and feel excited about it before the holiday is around the corner. But I don’t feel that way this time. Probably this is because of all the unhappy stuffs happened on me and also the people around me.

One of the unhappy stuffs is related to E107B. All the housemates except Nath are going to move. I’m also the one of them. At first, I never thought of this to happen. One of the reasons is that the owner of the house is going to increase the rental from RM1500 to RM1800. The moment the housemates decided to move out, somehow I feel unhappy. I never thought that the moment we stay together will end so soon. Even though, we have been staying together for almost a year, I feel that we have just staying together for a couple of months. Today, I will be finishing up the packing all my stuff. The next time I come to E107B will be just taking all my stuff after my new accommodation is confirmed. Nath faced quite a serious problem. 7 of his future housemates pulled out from E107B at the last minute, the moment the agreement is almost to be signed.(Hope Nath will solve this problem ASAP.)

I have been wondering. All those unhappy stuffs, are they related to my problematic personality? I have caused the people around me to worry about me. Here, I would like to thank them for concerning about me and sorry for worrying about me. At the last, I was the one who make others worry. Will it be fine for me to stay with my new housemate? I’m just afraid I might bring more problems to them. Sad Christmas, sad Awal Murharram and sad New Year. Soon it will be Chinese New Year and my 22nd birthday, will it will be still a sad one? Hope all those unhappy stuffs will be gone in a short time.

Being Tagged??

Why am I being tagged leh? I wonder why.
Haiz... Never mind la. I'm going to write it now.
Actually, before being tagged, I was hoping that no one will tag me.
But who knows, one after another. First, Zhou Zhou then followed by Loong Loong. (Hey, I'm not blaming both of you ar. Haha.)
So let's get started now.

According to the rules, after being tagged, you have to do this all thing:

• List this rules on your blog
  
• Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog.
  
• Tell 7 unspectacular quirks on yours.
  
• Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their name as well as links to their blog.
  
• Link the person who tagged u.
  
• Leave a comment for each blogger.

7 FACTS about アラン様

1. Born on 2nd February 1987.
2. My full name is Alan Chen Meng Keong.(But, people who doesn't know me called me by Alan Chen Meng, makes me feel so weird.)
3. アラン is my Japanese name.
4. Eldest among the ATM.
5. Gaming all the time.
6. Love animals. But my mum doesn't allow me to rear a dog.(Only allow to rear tortoise.)
7. The country I want to visit the most is Japan

7 UNSPECTACULAR QUIRKS

1. A cry baby when I'm still very very small. Cry all the time. My mum says that she really "beh tahan" me.
2. Prefer to bite my nails instead of cutting them off using nail cutter.
3. Always give comment to the dishes cooked by my mum.
4. Prefer to stay long inside bathroom when taking bath.
5. Always delay my work.
6. Last minute guy.(Even when studying for final exams.)
7. Zero social skill.

7 PEOPLE TAGGED BY アラン様

• Bean Bean
• Siong Siong
• Kit Kit
• Huat Huat
• Yee Yee
• Teong Teong
• Chin Chin

Huh... Finally done. Hehe.

The Nameless Monster

Once upon a time, there lived a nameless monster.
The monster was dying to have a name so badly.
So the monster decided to set out on a journey to find itself a name.
But the world was such a large place.
So the monster split into two and went on to two seperate journeys.
One went to the East and the other went to the west.

The monster that went to the east found a village.
There was a blacksmith at the village entrance.
"Mr.Blacksmith, please give me your name" said the monster.
"I can't give you my name" replied the blacksmith.
"If you give me your name I will jump inside you and make you stronger in return." said the monster.
"Really? I'll give you my name if you can make me stronger.", the blacksmith told the monster.
The monster jumped inside the blacksmith.
The monster became Otto the blacksmith.
Otto the blacksmith was the strongest man in the village.
But one day he said:"Look at me! Look at me!"
"The monster inside of me has grown this big!"
*Chomp, chomp, munch, munch, gobble, gobble, gulp*
The hungry monster ate Otto from the inside out.

The monster then went back to become a monster without a name.
Even though he jumped inside Hans the shoemaker....
*Chomp, chomp, munch, munch, gobble, gobble, gulp*
He went back to being a monster without a name again.
Even though he jumped inside Thomas the hunter.....
*Chomp, chomp, munch, munch, gobble, gobble, gulp*
He still went back to being a monster without a name.

The monster then went to a castle to find a wonderful name.
Inside the castle, there was a very sick boy.
"I'll make you stronger if you give me your name" said the monster.
In reply, the boy told him "I'll give you my name if you can cure my illness and make me stronger. "
So the monster jumped inside the boy.
The boy became very healthy.

The King was delighted.
"The prince is well! The prince is well!" said the King.
The monster became fond of the boy's name.
He also grew fond of his life inside the castle.
That's why he endured even when he became hungry.
Every day, even when his stomach became very empty, he endured.
But then he became so hungry....
"Look at me! Look at me!" said the boy.
"The monster inside of me has grown this big!"
The boy then ate his father, servants, and everyone.
*Chomp, chomp, munch, munch, gobble, gobble, gulp*

Because everyone was gone....
The boy left on a journey.
He walked and walked for days.....
One day the boy met the monster that went west.
"I have a name" said the boy.
"It's a wonderful name."
And then the monster that went west said...
"I don't need a name."
"I'm happy even if I don't have a name."
"Because we're monsters without names."
The boy ate the monster that went west.
Even though he now had a name....
There was no one left to call him by his name.
Johan.
It is a wonderful name.


A story taken from the anime, Monster.(My favourite story from the anime.)